Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
