I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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