Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
