you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
