That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
