I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
