know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
