Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
