I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
