I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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