4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
