You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
