I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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