She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
