Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
