you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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