I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
