I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
