worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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