we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
