yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
