don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
