Buhtt sex?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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