**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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