have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
