Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
