so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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