saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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