You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
