Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
