Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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