don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
