He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
