This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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