I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
