She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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