Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
