Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
