I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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