the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
