ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
