yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
