the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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