i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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