i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
