I'm jealous of your bromance
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
