I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
