we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
