Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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