If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
