Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
