At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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