I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
