it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
