listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
