i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
