I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
